Glimpse.

Ugh, I hate being fat, its so gross. I feel awful. I look awful. I hate the weird bulging shapes I get. I hate the way it rolls in odd angles and looks completely foreign, almost not even human. I try to cover it up with clothes, but the clothes almost make it worse. Many cuts and lengths amplify, disect me into unflattering segments, and never fit right. No one cares. Except maybe to make money selling shitty clothes that are almost never flattering. They know this, the designers. It's like an afterthought, like the last hour of their day: "Oh crap, I forgot the fatty clothes!" then slap something together. It's not like it matters, we should be so happy to even find clothing that fits, that doesn't cost a fortune. It's not like anyone will ever look at a fat girl and admire her fashion sense. Ha! It sounds like something someone would blurt out in order to "say something nice". If you care about fashion and clothing, you better not be heavy, you aren't wanted there. Make-up too. The main goal with make-up is to make you look slightly less hideous and a little more human. Make-up, at that point, serves the same function as a couch cover. Not chic, or provocative. Forget about bright colors and glitter. How can you care about girlie prettiness when you resemble a wildeebeast? At very best, some one will tell you, "You have such a pretty face" and if they are kind they'll leave off "Such a damn shame its wasted on someone who clearly doesn't give a shit." Because we all know that's true, right? The only reason why people get so big is because they don't care! If we did, then we'd be sweating our asses of at the gym every waking hour so we could be more fuckable aka more worthwhile. Oh jeeze, am I stupid or what, that solves everything. Because lokking good is the most important thing EVAR, right? Who cares if I have zero energy, can't even take a trip to the mall without having a seat break. To be worried that when the hostess takes us to our booth, I might not fit, and people will have to ask me if I'm ok with concerned looks on their faces. And that is what really sucks right there, the people I really care about, the ones not totally turned off by my obeseness, have to suffer too. They get to watch me be uncomfortable, be worried, be tired. And there's nothing they can do. Well, except be supportive, but supportive of what, exactly? Of the fact I'm a person and not a freak? Except, you know you're a freak. It's ok, just say it. You're a freak. You don't fit in, everyone who looks at you knows something is very wrong. They might wonder why: Is it her thyroid?  Hormones? Genes? Or just a big fat lazy pig? Many of them won't and just assume the latter. Maybe they'll pity you. Maybe they'll despise you. After a while, it all becomes the same...

FAQ FTW!

(...Might actually not be so frequent. Whatever.)

1) Who are you, exactly?

My name is Megz, which is not my real name, but rather close. I'm an Ohio transplant living in sunny, cuckoo-crazy Florida. I'm in my thirties, single with no kids. Contrary to popular culture mores and expectations, I'm ok with that. Really. I've been doing the call center circuit for a while now, and though I'm not a huge fan, the experience has proved to be very useful - and entertaining! I live for randomness and delight in the strange. :)

2) Have you blogged before?

Indeed I have! I've had multiple blogs on blogger, as well as forays with Myspace and LiveJournal, all of which are pretty much defunct. I tend to get really personal, and later either delete in embarassment or run away screaming.

3)What makes this blog different?

Well, I really don't know if is, to be honest :) It's entirely plausible. I won't pretend that I'm not an emotional person and things won't get pretty dramatic, but maybe if I'm at least honest up front it won't get weird later. Besides, I didn't create this blog as a vast, pointless account of my everyday life, I'm actually angling with a ::trumpet sound:: A...PURPOSE!

4) Which is?

Actually its a long story, one that will eventually be recounted here, I'm positive, but, I'm pretty much doing it to help me lose weight.

5) Oh goddamnit.

Hey, be nice to me my own blog, alright? Anyway, that's not even a question! So I'm just going to interpret that as "Why are you making such a lame blog?" and/or "How the hell is that going to work, anyway?" Amirite?

6) Pretty much!

Well, jeez, just say it then! Ok. I personally believe that my physical health (Largely impacted by excess weight, pardon the pun.) is a direct result of my mental and even spiritual health. I've tried a lot of methods, and I'm kind of stunned that I haven't tried to blog this out. I mean, like I said before, I'm no stranger to emotional blogs, but I guess the whole concept just sort of escaped me.


7) Well alrighty then. So how much do you weigh, anyway?

Whoa, whoa WHOA! Back up thar. I really don't think thats necessary right now, I mean, just getting starting right?


8) Dude. This is the Frequently Asked Questions section of your alledged weight-loss blog. That's like a really important thing to know. Duh.

Yeah, yeah, I see your point. However. I'm not going there. Yet.


9) Why not?

Well, I feel like I need a bit more substance first, you know, get things up in the air. I'm not anticipating a whole of structure with this blog, I'm taking the whole attitude of "letting it all happen".


10) Yeah. I don't think you're going to lose weight with that approach.

This is the FAQ for the blog! I haven't even started with the actual weight lost plan. Just trying to nail something together. Just relax, kick off your shoes and get comfy. This is going to take a bit....